Oxford Languages defines masochism as "the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from one's own pain or humiliation." Although a highly misunderstood temperament, masochism is a profoundly complex and ingrained part of human psychology.
On the surface, an outsider might see the paradox of BDSM and wonder how pleasure and pain could not only intermingle but be desired above "normal" intimacy, such as vanilla sex or lovemaking. The truth is that to a masochist, kink, love, and intimacy can live together in harmony—when practiced the right way.
We'll do a deep dive into the history, psychology, and neurochemistry of masochism, discover what actually causes subspace, and embrace the evolutionary differences that set us apart from every other species on Earth. It's incredible how we're wired to love BDSM.
The Study of Masochism
Explore the past century of academic & psychological investigation done attempting to define masochism, and how its definition has changed as stigma was unraveled.
Over the past century and a half, masochism has evolved from being purely a disorder requiring psychiatric treatment to a more nuanced, modern form that broadens the definition from physical harm of the self to unconscious, emotional self-harm that manifests in a myriad of ways.
Sigmund Freud first expanded upon masochism in 1905, providing us with three types:
- Erotic/Sexual Masochism - Sexual arousal and orgasm linked to pain, humiliation, or bondage, often requiring it for climax.
- Feminine Masochism - Deriving pleasure from being treated like a child, involving submission, dependency, and childlike behaviors.
- Moral Masochism - Self-inflicted suffering to alleviate guilt, often manifesting as self-sacrifice or altruism that ironically serves the masochistic need for punishment.
What becomes evident from this first account is the inherent sexism regarding feminine masochism, where it was purported that women derive pleasure from suffering, explaining their "natural" submission to men.
Such an interpretation overlooked the systemic oppression of women from being forced into subordinate roles by men, and is heavily contested as a legitimate definition of masochism.[2]
During the mid-19th century, psychoanalysts like Reich, Horney, and Fromm broadened the concept into what would become known as Masochistic Personality Disorder. However, their definitions were riddled with subjectivities.
Suffering was framed as a drive, rather than an adaptation. It was ultimately removed from the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) in 1987.
These are our expanded definitions of masochism today, which do not pathologize trauma responses:
- Psychological Masochism - Non-sexual enjoyment from emotional or psychological pain, often self-inflicted or from others.
- Adaptive Masochism - "Benign masochism" where people enjoy seemingly aversive experiences (spicy food, intense workouts) with awareness, finding meaning or pleasure in the temporary discomfort.[3]
- Self-Defeating Personality Disorder
- Virtuous Masochist - Seeks suffering to feel righteous, often with histrionic traits.
- Self-Undoing Masochist - Sabotages success or happiness, often with avoidant traits.
- Oppressed Masochist - Experiences life as a victim, often with depressive features.[4]
Chicago Analysis details that "masochistic character involves deeply ingrained patterns of self-defeating behaviors, relationship difficulties, and unconscious psychological dynamics."[5] Critically, modern psychology no longer treats masochism as a standalone disorder.
These negative patterns are understood as emergent expressions of prior trauma: a symptom, not a cause; therefore, the underlying circumstances must be uncovered and treated instead.
“Submissiveness or sexual masochism might be an unchosen temperament... but the erotic exercise of it ought to be a free choice.”
So, where does sexual masochism come into play within all this? The truth is, sexual masochism is only considered problematic when "the person's behavior, fantasies, or intense urges result in clinically significant distress or impairment"[6] over a period longer than 6 months.
Such a disposition is not considered the norm for those who practice sexual masochism. The huge difference? Intent, consent, and emotional state.
Sexual Masochism: What is it, Really?
Who out there is actually prone to loving pain?
According to Psychology Today, sexual masochism "refers to engaging in, or frequently fantasizing about, being beaten, bound, humiliated, or otherwise made to suffer, resulting in sexual satisfaction."
It is common for such urges and fantasies to materialize in childhood and early adulthood, whether as a natural inclination or potentially as a response to trauma.[2]
Interestingly, a study done by King's College London in 2020 found that there is no reliable link between childhood trauma and the development of sexual masochism, contradicting the predisposed notion.
Additionally, the study found that having BDSM fantasies is considered relatively common, no matter the gender surveyed—between 40-70%—while 20% reportedly had engaged in BDSM acts.[7]
A 2022 study conducted by the University of Innsbruck, Austria, honed in on finding a definitive correlation between sexual masochism and the Dark Tetrad, which consists of four personality disorders:
- Narcissism - Gradiosity, entitlement
- Machiavellianism - Manipulation for gain
- Psychopathy - Callousness, impulsivity, lack of empathy
- Sadism - Enjoyment of cruelty
The study's findings are truly eye-opening. It confirms the hypothesis that "psychopathy remained a significant predictor of sexual masochism and benign masochism remained a significant predictor of sexual sadism."
Don't be alarmed, though! Other personality traits were measured, comparing dark and antagonistic personality traits, determining that "people do not engage in sexual sadomasochism because they have little regard for the well-being of others," and that "the typical sexual sadomasochistic partnership is characterized by respect to the partner."[8]
“At the center of sexual sadomasochism is symbolic power or powerlessness rather than the physiological feeling of giving or receiving pain.”
Those who regularly engage in BDSM can confirm this truth. A mutual power exchange is consensually gifted for both parties' enjoyment. Such a pact contributes to what transforms pain into pleasure, dark personality or not.
The Science of Sensation
What we experience isn't a coincidence, but the product of millions of years of evolution.
In the animal kingdom, the usual way of life is: if something causes you pain, avoid it. Pain exists as a mechanism to inform you that a fire causes skin to burn and to pull yourself away, or that the intense pain in your abdomen is an organ failing, though you cannot see it on the outside. Without pain, you wouldn't know to seek help.
This evolved trait is essential, but out of all the organisms we share this planet with, we are the only species to seek out pain. The answer lies within the complexities of our magnificent brains. When it comes to processing pain, two parts within the secondary somatosensory cortex (S2) are responsible for both the sensory and emotional interpretation:
- Insular Cortex - Emotional regulation, sensory processing, consciousness, and awareness. The primary area for what we consider our "active" mind; involved heavily with psychopathology.[9]
- Anterior Cingulate Cortex - Error detection, conflict monitoring, social evaluation, reward-based learning, consciousness, and registering pain.[10]
Imaging the mind using MRI, it was discovered that "when masochists experience pain in contexts they find appealing, these two particular areas of the brain are activated in ways that emphasize sensation over distress."[11] In translation, we alchemize pain into pleasure based on the context of the pain.
We also have a relief system, which lives in the nucleus accumbens (NAc), our center for pleasure, reward, and addiction. One of our internal security systems is the feeling of relief when pain ceases, an evolutionary signal that pain is bad.
Contrarily, the NAc rewards the immediate lack of pain with dopamine. Should that pain be implemented in a desired fashion, the urge to continue is stimulated as the body craves another dopamine hit.
When perched on all fours, rear in the air, hearing your Domme selecting her whip, anticipation builds. During the impact session, the breaks between feeling that sharp tail only increases the suspense as you wait for the next hit.
Given the nature of the NAc, a direct correlation was observed: the greater the expectation of pain, the greater the dopamine release when the pain is gone.
Anticipation of pain is how the repetitive nature of impact play causes euphoria through the continued release of dopamine.
With each subsequent lash, dopamine and pain tolerance increase while distress decreases.[12] As you lie there across an extended period of time, slowly able to take harder strikes, you're bombarded with a release of endorphins and endogenous opioids. It's this neurochemical snowball effect that propels a masochist into the coveted state of subspace.
Subspace is characterized as a dreamy state of bliss and disconnection, where the masochist has given themselves over entirely. Achieving this state is considered the goal of many a submissive, and as someone who has entered it multiple times, it is definitely worth the wallop required to get there.
In subspace, nothing matters. Nothing exists. Your mind is tranquil, blank, and you are physically and mentally at the behest of your Domme.
Additionally, the amount of actual control the submissive has (consent to participate and being able to use safewords to stop the play) emphasizes BDSM's positive aspects, like the feelings of safety and intimacy. The communication and agreements you make trigger the release of dopamine and oxytocin, deepening the relationship with your partner.
The bonds built by BDSM are strong and complex, woven together by the intricacies of our neural network. The phenomenon is nothing short of spectacular.
Importance of Aftercare
Post-intense BDSM session, aftercare must be given. Chemically, the masochist will experience a massive drop in dopamine, especially significant if subspace was achieved.
To prevent such an emotional low, actions such as cuddling, talking, massaging, and other intimate acts between partners helps maintain a steady flow of oxytocin.
Ignoring aftercare could cause feelings of isolation, worthlessness, depression, and abandonment. The more intense the session, the more intense these negative aspects will be felt.
Not only does this help bring the submissive back to reality, but it also intensifies the partners' connection to one another. Who wouldn't want that?
Conclusion
Sexual masochism is a relationship with sensation. What appears paradoxical from the outside resolves itself once context and consent are introduced. Pain becomes a language the body understands, interprets, and, under the right conditions, rewards.
The science confirms what practitioners have known intuitively: pleasure and pain are collaborators. Through expectation, communication, and trust, the masochist transforms an otherwise adverse feeling into something desirable and cathartic.
Masochism is not about loving pain for pain’s sake. We are much more complicated than that. It is about choosing to experience the body in its fullest, most human capacity. So celebrate the beauty in letting go.
~ With love, Beatrix Devine
Sources
[1] - Sadomasochism - Wikipedia
[2] - Understanding the Pleasure of Pain - Psychology Today
[3] - Why Pain Feels Good - BBC
[4] - What is a Masochist - Very Well Mind
[5] - Masochistic Character - Chicago Analysis
[6] - Sexual Masochism Disorder - Merck Manuals
[7] - A SYSTEMATIC SCOPING REVIEW OF BDSM - King's College London
[8] - Dark personalities and general masochistic tendencies - Science Direct
[9] - Insular Cortex - Wikipedia
[10] - Anterior Cingulate Cortex - Wikipedia
[11] - Why Are Some People Masochists? - USC Nucleus
[12] - Hedonic and Neural Responses to Safety from Pain - PLOS One
